CHRISTMAS REFLECTION -
“God’s ways are higher than my ways” written on 16 nov 2003
“Home by Choice”…… it is almost about a year since the day I tossed my high heel shoes, executive briefcase and office suits aside to embrace the “Full-time Mother of the Century banner” with uncountable joys and sorrows. The most unlikely decision anyone think I would make. I never planned, let alone dreamed of becoming a stay-at-home mother. My mother was a full fledge successful finance officer. All my aunts and relatives worked out of homes from nine to five. In those days, housewives were for those who were non-educated, no employment offers and stereotype-traditional. Thus, there were neither inspiring mentors nor model figures of “good homemakers” as point of references in my growing up days. You would have remembered those days when the time came for the teacher to give out cards with three lines of which we were to fill in our most cherished ambitions. Sounds familiar? I do not recall anyone sane enough to put down “Housewife” as their “top” ambition nor their second nor third. WHY? I guess a housewife has a low status quo and one does not need to attend school or university to be qualified, as perceived by many.
My ambition or calling is to be teacher. Teaching is my passion, my vocation. Such a noble profession, that is to shape the new generation of leaders. Yes, that was where I began. But God had other plans. This Christmas is a very special one for me because God had taught, and is still teaching me that if I follow His path, I will travel far beyond even my greatest dream. The following story is a very inspiring story about following one’s dream …..in the light of God’s plan.
The Legend of the Three Trees
Far away in a green valley, a fox dropped an olive pit. And along a rocky shore, a stork split open an acorn. On a tall mountain, a goat accidentally shook loose a seed from a pine cone. The pit, the acorn and the seed grew into saplings. Watered by the rain and warmed by the sun, they reached upward. In time, a beautiful olive tree blossomed in the valley. A mighty oak stood on the rocky coast. And a tall pine tree stood on the mountain. As each tree grew, it dreamed of what it would become.
The olive tree dreamed of becoming a beautiful and important treasure chest. Decorated with sparkling jewels, it would hold the greatest treasure in the world. One day, a woodsman came to the forest, it seemed that the olive tree’s dream would come true. The woodsman chose the olive tree from all the other trees. The olive tree trembled with happiness. At last, it would become a beautiful treasure chest! The woodsman took the olive tree to his workshop. He cut the wood into boards and hammered them into a box shape. But to the tree’s surprise, the woodsman did not make the box into a treasure chest. He did not polish the olive tree’s fine wood or fill it with gold. Instead, he dragged it into a stable with messy sheep, smelly cows, and noisy chickens. The woodsman filled the box with hay. The olive tree saw that it had become a manger, a mere feeding box for animals! It knew then that it would never hold a treasure.
As the olive tree’s dream faded in the dusty stable, the oak tree looked out over the water with a dream of its own. Strong and proud, it dreamed that its mighty trunk would be made into a mighty ship that would carry a king! One day, shipbuilders cut down the oak tree and hauled it to their boatyard. They sawed the broad trunk into boards. They bent the boards to form the sides of the boat. With each passing day, the oak tree felt certain that its dream was coming true. But when the shipbuilders were done, the oak felt small and weak. It had not become a mighty ship at all. Instead, it was a little fishing boat, launched on a calm lake. The mighty oak knew then that a king would never sail in a little fishing boat.
High on the mountainside, above the oak boat, the pine tree stood tall. Many times, it saw people in the valley looking up. The pine hoped that its towering branches would remind people of the glory of God’s creation. It dreamed that it would always stay on the mountain and point people to God. One night, a fierce storm shook the mountain. The pine tree bent and swayed in the powerful wind. As thunder boomed, a bolt of lighting flashed from the sky and splintered the tree’s trunk. With a sound almost as loud as the thunder, the pine tree fell to the ground. The pine tree’s dream crashed down with it. No one would ever look up to it again. Some soldiers hauled it to the scrap yard. Unused and forgotten, the pine lay on a heap of old lumber. It knew then that a piece of scrap wood would never point people to God.
Many years passed. The trees’ great dreams seemed so far away that they stopped thinking about them. For what greatness could come to a feedbox, a fishing boat and scrap wood? But God had His own plan for each of the trees. One night, shepherds keeping watch over their flock saw an angel. A great light shone all around. The angel told them not to be afraid, for their Savior had been born in Bethlehem. Just as the angel said, the shepherds found the baby lying in a manger. The olive tree had not become a treasure chest, but now, as a manger, it held the greatest treasure of all time, God’s only Son, Jesus.
The infant Jesus grew into a man, and the man traveled to the very lake that held the oak fishing boat. One day, the little boat carried Jesus onto the lake with the fishermen. Suddenly, a great storm swept over the lake. Water washed into the boat. The oak boat struggled with all of its strength so it would not sink. “Quiet! Be still,” Jesus said. The storm stopped. The oak boat felt Jesus’ power. The oak boat had never carried a king of this world, but now it carried the King of kings!
The pine tree knew nothing of Jesus and His miracles. But one morning, it heard angry voices in the distance. “Crucify him!” the people yelled. Soldiers came to the scrap yard and grabbed the forgotten pine. The pine tree expected to be cut into firewood. Instead, the soldiers cut its trunk into two pieces to make a cross. Then they laid the cross on Jesus’ back. On the hillside under a blackening sky, the pine cross swayed as the soldiers raised it. It did not know whether it could bear the weight of the man upon it. The pine tree had wanted only to point people to God. Now, it knew that it would be a sign of death. Jesus died that day to take away the sins of all who believed in Him. He was taken down from the cross and laid inside a tomb. Then a wondrous thing happened. Three days later, Jesus rose to life again. And so Jesus fulfilled His heavenly Father’s plan for Him.
What about the three trees? They, too, had fulfilled God’s plan for them. Miraculously, God had taken them beyond their youthful dreams. The olive wood-manger had held the greatest treasure of all, God’s beloved only Son. The oak fishing boat had carried the King of kings, God’s Son, during His work on earth. And to this day, the cross points people to God as a symbol of His great love for us.
Sometimes, the dreams that we have for ourselves are much smaller than the dreams that God has for us. The three trees’ dream came true, just not in the way they imagined. And so it is with each of us. If we follow God’s path, we will travel far beyond even our greatest dream.
Little heart … little faith … God’s thoughts are higher than my thoughts
As the truth of the story above sank in, I felt comforted. My dream to impact the youth through my vocation as a teacher did launch off with a good beginning. However, after my firstborn came, I found myself at tug-of-war with balancing my roles as a mother, a wife, a teacher and an employee. I had often felt guilty for spending so little time with my firstborn when I was working full-time as a lecturer in a private college. I missed many opportunities to witness my son’s milestones and I found myself compromising the way he was being brought up since he spent most of his time with his nanny. Also at the same time, I was offered a sponsored Masters program in Information Technology followed by a promotion, and then, it suddenly struck me. Although the promotion came with an attractive salary increase and greater influence in the teaching arena, it would have meant longer hours for me to be away from my son again. After much soul-searching, I turned down the offer for promotion, but I still hung on to my “secured-job”.
The Lord knew that my little heart could contain just that “little amount of faith”, just like the three trees in story above, so He decided to stretch me further. He had to pluck us (my family) out literally from Kuala Lumpur and put us in Sibu. I struggled with the decision to quit altogether. Yet, I did not have the courage to take this giant step of faith. So, with persuasion from my parents who thought I was foolish to quit, and my bosses who offered to transfer me over to the Sibu branch with a part-time status, I plunged into it, thinking I could still fulfill my dream to be a good mother and teacher.
In Sibu, as a part-time lecturer, I worked for 20 hours a week. I taught in the afternoons and my son would be at my in-laws’ place. So, I savaged every moment I could have with him in the mornings and nights. I thought I could not stand the stresses of “staying at home all day”, but being at home with a little longer hour, enabled me to enjoy the possibilities of staying at home full-time later. The Lord knew that I need to learn this lesson slowly. Like I had shared in the previous issue, I thought that was a brilliant arrangement until my second child came along.
All throughout, my husband had been very supportive in every decision that I made. We did not buy in the idea of hiring a babysitter again nor sending our children to nurseries at such a young age. Brenda Hunter, a child psychologist, when asked if it really made any difference which arms held the baby, she commented, “Yes, babies are programmed to fall in love with their mothers, not nannies or baby-sitters”. So, this time, I took a courageous step and embraced the title of a full-time homemaker more confidently. Although we did get some objections or sneers like “Ai-yah…. Such a waste lah….. all the years of acquiring your education!”, “Wow…..husband must be earning high salary lah…rich lah”, “Hmmmmm…. now become ‘sau nai nai’ ”, “You can still cope with motherhood and job at the same time what!”, “There are many good nurseries, i.e. Sunshine, Montessori etc. qualified to take care of your children” etc., but by God’s grace, He had been taking care of us thus so far.
Of course, there was a huge salary-cut in our family income. We had to work around a tighter budget. We had to learn to live simply rather than in luxury. My dream to be home with my children, to be there for them at every point of change in their little lives, to witness every single milestone, to pass on our first-hand faith in Jesus Christ…… to train them in the way they should go so that they would not depart from it when they are old…… Wow, sounds so easy and sentimental, but coming home does not work that easily. At home, motherhood was unexpectedly difficult. Working 24 hours a day, 7 days a week….The magic transformation did not happen as I have expected. I felt like I was in foreign territory. I was not the kind of person who fumbles through things. I was the “if I want to do something, I’ll do it right and well” kind of professional. But here I was, felt so helpless not able to cook fantastic meals, finish the laundry on time, keep the house absolutely clean and neat, teach and mould perfect well-mannered children. Yet, my unending chores of wiping endless runny noses of crying children, changing soiled diapers, washing and hanging clothes, cooking nutritious meal to accommodate picky eaters, scrubbing and cleaning dirty floor etc., made me wonder if I am achieving my initial goal of staying at home.
In my career as a lecturer, I was given a trail of professional trainings to enhance my teaching skills, but being a homemaker, I started my new job description without prior training. It is the most humbling job I have ever embarked on. I was stripped to the core of my being, not having any skill or quality to be a “good homemaker”, but to be dependant on God’s strength and wisdom totally to make my dream realized. To Him Be the Glory!
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
Sunday, May 18, 2008
MiCHELLE LOH’s TESTIMONY
Testimony was written in 2003
Background (birth until 1980s)
I came from a well-to-do family where my grandfather had many properties and lands. Although we were not extremely rich, we had enough to eat, to wear and to enjoy. My parents love me , but I never really knew them. I was showered with love and material things when I was young. Since both my parents worked, I grew up under my grandmother’s care and supervision. I did not really know what it meant to be in need or appreciate my own life. All I knew was fun ...until…..the age of ten when my dad started gambling. He indulged deeper and deeper into it because of his failure in business during recession period. He was also cheated by people and lost a lot of money. He started not coming home and my mother, my sisters and brother were all left in the house. We became insecure of dad. We never knew when he would come home or when he would leave. I saw my mother very disappointed and hurt, yet I could not do anything. I thought I could never trust my dad because he was not reliable. I felt that he never bothered about the family. Whenever he came back, he would just sulk and put on that guilty face. I knew that he was also a very broken and insecure person, but I grew up ‘despising’ my dad. I knew I wanted to do something for my family. All my relatives started pointing finger at us because of the ‘black sheep’ in my family. It hurt me to see my dad cried because of all these accusations. I knew my dad wanted to be given a chance, but nobody gave him that chance, except my mother who stood by him even though she was hurt. She could have left us all, but she did not. She was very firm in pulling the family together again. My admiration for her grew as I saw how she loved my dad and us. I wanted to be as strong as her. Being the eldest in the family of four children, I knew I needed to do well in life, so that my mother would approve of me and I wanted to ‘save face’ for my family among my relatives. My strife to do well became more intense when my grandmother, whom I loved very much, suddenly died of an unknown cause when I was eleven. Since then, I worked very hard in my studies and became more religious and I sought blessings from the idols that my mother worshipped. I grew up feeling insecure and wanting so much to perform well in order to be accepted by people. It was in my futile strife that the true God, Jesus Christ found me.
Conversion story
Due to my good results in Standard Six, I was put into a good class in Form One. It was there that I met my class monitress and some of my classmates, who are Christians. I seemed to be drawn to them because they were nice and friendly people. I joined them for an Easter celebration for the Christians and the meeting left me with more questions which caused me to question my own life. I was shocked and scared to discover the emptiness in my life which I have tried to ignore and deny all the while by striving and drowning myself in movies, studies and religious practices. By watching movies, I could enter into another world which was not my own and I did not have to face the emptiness of my heart. I felt something missing, but I did not know what. My struggle with wanting people to accept and like me left me a person with many masks. On the surface, I pretended to be happy, ‘cool’ and have lots of friends, but inside, I was dying with emptiness and loneliness. I always felt cheated talking to the statues of the ‘gods’ in front of my house because they did not respond to me. When I was told that Jesus is a True Friend and the Living Savior who loves and accepts me to the extent of dying for me, I became very curious to want to know who this Jesus was. Not long after my struggle for the truth and the real meaning of life, I finally came to realize that my emptiness was caused by my sin towards the true and living God who loved me so much that He was willing to send His One and Only Son, Jesus Christ, to die on the cross for my sins. If I was willing to confess my wrongdoings, He would be faithful and just and would forgive me, and give me a new and meaningful life in Christ Jesus. From that moment, I knew the answer had come. And so, I became a Christian since then.
Joys & struggles in growth
For three years, my knowledge of God was only on the mind level. One of the bigger tests was that my parents became really very upset and angry when they found out about this. They thought that they had lost a daughter forever to a foreign ‘god’. In order to avoid being scolded, I had to hide in the toilet to read the Bible and pray. Many times I really wonder if it was worth the suffering, because I have disappointed the one I admired ---my mum. ‘Would she love me or accept me anymore?’ I must admit that I grew up with this insecurity in myself that I need to perform well in all that I do to get approval of others. I knew my parents put high expectations on me. Sometimes I set too high expectations for myself. Even when I became a Christian, I still struggled with these insecurities in my earlier days as a young Christian. At times, I really wonder if it was because of these insecurities that drove me to over-work myself or was it real love for God and others...? To one extent, when I was confronted to take up leadership position, I chickened out. I checked myself thoroughly as to why I felt broken and why I ran away from God when He called me to leadership. I realize that all through my life, I have been living under peoples’ expectations of me, I was afraid that if I was given a task and could not do well, it would disappoint them. I could not bear the pain of being rejected and labeled as “no good”. Though I know God’s love is unconditional and His acceptance does not base on my performance, these were still real struggles for me back then. Many times I questioned why God had to give me so much. It was just unbearable thinking of what would be demanded of me, yet on the other hand, I have learned to appreciate His gifts so that I could use them to serve and bless others. All for Him who gives me His all .... I am but a slave, servant and steward, not mine, but His and His alone. Having to encounter my past, brokenness, my struggles are part of my growing process in a real world. Seeing the needs of the world was a direct response from the prayer that says ‘Lord, break my heart with the things that broke Your heart’. Then, as I think about the people in my college, in the church, family members, loved ones, I knew that I could never stop shedding tears of joy and sorrow....looking at these lives and their little worlds of faith, of families, of relationships, of drives, of ambitions, of frustrations, of self-esteem, of self-pity, of hurts and pains, of maturity and immaturity. Sometimes I felt my heart come alive to want to be there for them, even at my own cost, but sometimes in my selfishness, I settled myself in my comfortable niche, reluctant to move out of my comfort zone. At times being misunderstood, rejected, but many times, seeing ‘new life’ grow out of the bud, I knew it was worth the time, the effort spent investing in their lives.
My life did not turn into a bed of roses overnight, but rather, it was filled with more challenges and obstacles. Nevertheless, I know deep down in my heart that my God would always by my side , guiding me , directing me and communicating with me as a Father would do to his own child. I am convinced that I am not believing in an illusion , but the true and living God who died and rose for me , thus giving me new hope and meaning in life . He had helped me to understand that all my security , my self-worth and my acceptance lies in Christ alone , therefore , I do not need to strive for people’s approval , because I am already being loved totally by God alone. Through the years, the Lord had really made so many changes, not only in me, but also my sisters, brother and my parents. As I looked back, I did feel guilty and remorse for the way I have regarded my dad during those times. It took me a few years to learn to forgive him for what he had done to us and even greater struggle to forgive myself for dishonoring my dad. But I truly thank God for the way He has been working in my family, especially in changing my dad. He has come back, fully repented of his past wrongdoings and we are now living as a very close and contented family with Jesus Christ as our God and Lord. My sisters and brother accepted Christ about a few years after myself and both my parents gave their lives to Christ after 7 years of consistent prayer. Miracles do happen to those who love the Lord dearly.
Church & service background (1990s)
Since I became a Christian (1985), I attended a Brethen Assembly in Kuala Lumpur, West Malaysia – called “Jalan Imbi Chapel”. It is not a main line church rather it is an independent, conservative, Bible-believing church. I had served as a youth leader, cell-group leader and Sunday School teacher in the Sunday School.
Entering UPM (Universiti Pertanian Malaysia, now named as Universiti Putra Malaysia), my vision was widened as I moved into a circle of believers from various denominations and backgrounds, yet believing in One GOD and LORD. There were so many opportunities to serve the Lord on campus. It was truly a very humbling experience. The four years in campus were the most memorable times of growth, renewed vision and direction in my Christian life, testings of faith, learnt humility and understood what it meant to give and love in a greater capacity. My heart has always been for students, be they young children or youth. I knew that I was called to teach…… this is my full-time vocation. Be it teaching in a school, at a college or even at home.
When I started lecturing at Informatics upon graduation (in 1996), I took up the challenge of guiding a group of young people in the college’s Christian Fellowship. There also, initiated a Staff Fellowship among the Christian staff in the college. I believe that to influence others, we as educators need to support and cheer each other on the journey.
Marriage was another milestone for me. I met my husband at the Christian Fellowship in UPM. We served in the committee together. Due to our different church backgrounds, we both had to agree on a Bible-believing church which would accommodate both of us and support us to grow as a new and young couple. God provided “Emmanuel Evangelical Free Church” at Kuala Lumpur, also an independent, biblically-sound church to marry us. This church opened our eyes to witness what a real Christian community is required to have. We were immediately ushered into a cell-group which provided us a good Christian model where families were highly valued. The Lord placed a burden in my heart when I saw the “untroddened library” was under-utilized. So, we obtained permission from our pastor to “revive” the church library again. So, after about a year’s hard work of recataloging, wrapping, reshelfing and replenishing the library (in the midst of my first pregnancy), our church’s library finally came to operation. Really, serving the Lord in whatever capacity brings satisfaction and joy to the heart.
Our move back to sibu (July 2001)
15th July 2001, marked a very significant day for both my husband and myself. Pulling out our roots from the grounds of the exotic Kuala Lumpur and planting them on new, yet healthier grounds of Sibu. Why did we leave the “prosperous ground”? Well, for a healthier lifestyle and better quality family-life. Being a full-fledge city lady like me, I thought I would not survive through, but looking back, it had been a good two years savaging every moment of quality life with my family. The decision to move back to Sibu ended my strife in watering down my guilt for not spending enough time with my firstborn. Back in KL, I worked full-time, that was going out of the house at 7 am and coming home after 7 pm.
Moving back to Sibu, gave me the courage to change from working full-time to part-time. In the earlier days in Sibu, I would spend my mornings with my firstborn – playing, singing, communicating and teaching him. In the afternoons, I would go to teach while he took his nap at my in-laws’ place. I thought that was a brilliant arrangement until my second child came along. My foremost calling was challenged again. All the while, I struggled with the issue of should I stay at home with my kids. Should I quit, even my part-time job, so that I can fully concentrate on bringing them up? My calling as a teacher does not limit me to impart and influence in the confinement of four walls, but beyond. SO, rather than teaching other people, I should fulfill my most important calling that is to teach and train my own kids at home. “Home by choice” is exactly what I meant. To be home with my children, to be there for them at every point of change in their little lives, to witness every single milestone, to pass on our first-hand faith in Jesus Christ…… to train them in the way they should go so that they would not depart from it when they are old. Helping them to establish ‘Strong Roots’ and ‘Secured Wings’ are our parenting mottos. Besides being at home, I have also been teaching at the Toddler’s Class in the Wesley Sunday School where my son is attending.
I am thankful to the Lord for being Faithful and Gracious in His dealings with me in the past, at present and even for the future. I am looking forward to the day when I will meet my Saviour face to face. Oh, what marvelous sight!
A Sinner Saved By Grace,
Michelle Loh Jee Yin
Background (birth until 1980s)
I came from a well-to-do family where my grandfather had many properties and lands. Although we were not extremely rich, we had enough to eat, to wear and to enjoy. My parents love me , but I never really knew them. I was showered with love and material things when I was young. Since both my parents worked, I grew up under my grandmother’s care and supervision. I did not really know what it meant to be in need or appreciate my own life. All I knew was fun ...until…..the age of ten when my dad started gambling. He indulged deeper and deeper into it because of his failure in business during recession period. He was also cheated by people and lost a lot of money. He started not coming home and my mother, my sisters and brother were all left in the house. We became insecure of dad. We never knew when he would come home or when he would leave. I saw my mother very disappointed and hurt, yet I could not do anything. I thought I could never trust my dad because he was not reliable. I felt that he never bothered about the family. Whenever he came back, he would just sulk and put on that guilty face. I knew that he was also a very broken and insecure person, but I grew up ‘despising’ my dad. I knew I wanted to do something for my family. All my relatives started pointing finger at us because of the ‘black sheep’ in my family. It hurt me to see my dad cried because of all these accusations. I knew my dad wanted to be given a chance, but nobody gave him that chance, except my mother who stood by him even though she was hurt. She could have left us all, but she did not. She was very firm in pulling the family together again. My admiration for her grew as I saw how she loved my dad and us. I wanted to be as strong as her. Being the eldest in the family of four children, I knew I needed to do well in life, so that my mother would approve of me and I wanted to ‘save face’ for my family among my relatives. My strife to do well became more intense when my grandmother, whom I loved very much, suddenly died of an unknown cause when I was eleven. Since then, I worked very hard in my studies and became more religious and I sought blessings from the idols that my mother worshipped. I grew up feeling insecure and wanting so much to perform well in order to be accepted by people. It was in my futile strife that the true God, Jesus Christ found me.
Conversion story
Due to my good results in Standard Six, I was put into a good class in Form One. It was there that I met my class monitress and some of my classmates, who are Christians. I seemed to be drawn to them because they were nice and friendly people. I joined them for an Easter celebration for the Christians and the meeting left me with more questions which caused me to question my own life. I was shocked and scared to discover the emptiness in my life which I have tried to ignore and deny all the while by striving and drowning myself in movies, studies and religious practices. By watching movies, I could enter into another world which was not my own and I did not have to face the emptiness of my heart. I felt something missing, but I did not know what. My struggle with wanting people to accept and like me left me a person with many masks. On the surface, I pretended to be happy, ‘cool’ and have lots of friends, but inside, I was dying with emptiness and loneliness. I always felt cheated talking to the statues of the ‘gods’ in front of my house because they did not respond to me. When I was told that Jesus is a True Friend and the Living Savior who loves and accepts me to the extent of dying for me, I became very curious to want to know who this Jesus was. Not long after my struggle for the truth and the real meaning of life, I finally came to realize that my emptiness was caused by my sin towards the true and living God who loved me so much that He was willing to send His One and Only Son, Jesus Christ, to die on the cross for my sins. If I was willing to confess my wrongdoings, He would be faithful and just and would forgive me, and give me a new and meaningful life in Christ Jesus. From that moment, I knew the answer had come. And so, I became a Christian since then.
Joys & struggles in growth
For three years, my knowledge of God was only on the mind level. One of the bigger tests was that my parents became really very upset and angry when they found out about this. They thought that they had lost a daughter forever to a foreign ‘god’. In order to avoid being scolded, I had to hide in the toilet to read the Bible and pray. Many times I really wonder if it was worth the suffering, because I have disappointed the one I admired ---my mum. ‘Would she love me or accept me anymore?’ I must admit that I grew up with this insecurity in myself that I need to perform well in all that I do to get approval of others. I knew my parents put high expectations on me. Sometimes I set too high expectations for myself. Even when I became a Christian, I still struggled with these insecurities in my earlier days as a young Christian. At times, I really wonder if it was because of these insecurities that drove me to over-work myself or was it real love for God and others...? To one extent, when I was confronted to take up leadership position, I chickened out. I checked myself thoroughly as to why I felt broken and why I ran away from God when He called me to leadership. I realize that all through my life, I have been living under peoples’ expectations of me, I was afraid that if I was given a task and could not do well, it would disappoint them. I could not bear the pain of being rejected and labeled as “no good”. Though I know God’s love is unconditional and His acceptance does not base on my performance, these were still real struggles for me back then. Many times I questioned why God had to give me so much. It was just unbearable thinking of what would be demanded of me, yet on the other hand, I have learned to appreciate His gifts so that I could use them to serve and bless others. All for Him who gives me His all .... I am but a slave, servant and steward, not mine, but His and His alone. Having to encounter my past, brokenness, my struggles are part of my growing process in a real world. Seeing the needs of the world was a direct response from the prayer that says ‘Lord, break my heart with the things that broke Your heart’. Then, as I think about the people in my college, in the church, family members, loved ones, I knew that I could never stop shedding tears of joy and sorrow....looking at these lives and their little worlds of faith, of families, of relationships, of drives, of ambitions, of frustrations, of self-esteem, of self-pity, of hurts and pains, of maturity and immaturity. Sometimes I felt my heart come alive to want to be there for them, even at my own cost, but sometimes in my selfishness, I settled myself in my comfortable niche, reluctant to move out of my comfort zone. At times being misunderstood, rejected, but many times, seeing ‘new life’ grow out of the bud, I knew it was worth the time, the effort spent investing in their lives.
My life did not turn into a bed of roses overnight, but rather, it was filled with more challenges and obstacles. Nevertheless, I know deep down in my heart that my God would always by my side , guiding me , directing me and communicating with me as a Father would do to his own child. I am convinced that I am not believing in an illusion , but the true and living God who died and rose for me , thus giving me new hope and meaning in life . He had helped me to understand that all my security , my self-worth and my acceptance lies in Christ alone , therefore , I do not need to strive for people’s approval , because I am already being loved totally by God alone. Through the years, the Lord had really made so many changes, not only in me, but also my sisters, brother and my parents. As I looked back, I did feel guilty and remorse for the way I have regarded my dad during those times. It took me a few years to learn to forgive him for what he had done to us and even greater struggle to forgive myself for dishonoring my dad. But I truly thank God for the way He has been working in my family, especially in changing my dad. He has come back, fully repented of his past wrongdoings and we are now living as a very close and contented family with Jesus Christ as our God and Lord. My sisters and brother accepted Christ about a few years after myself and both my parents gave their lives to Christ after 7 years of consistent prayer. Miracles do happen to those who love the Lord dearly.
Church & service background (1990s)
Since I became a Christian (1985), I attended a Brethen Assembly in Kuala Lumpur, West Malaysia – called “Jalan Imbi Chapel”. It is not a main line church rather it is an independent, conservative, Bible-believing church. I had served as a youth leader, cell-group leader and Sunday School teacher in the Sunday School.
Entering UPM (Universiti Pertanian Malaysia, now named as Universiti Putra Malaysia), my vision was widened as I moved into a circle of believers from various denominations and backgrounds, yet believing in One GOD and LORD. There were so many opportunities to serve the Lord on campus. It was truly a very humbling experience. The four years in campus were the most memorable times of growth, renewed vision and direction in my Christian life, testings of faith, learnt humility and understood what it meant to give and love in a greater capacity. My heart has always been for students, be they young children or youth. I knew that I was called to teach…… this is my full-time vocation. Be it teaching in a school, at a college or even at home.
When I started lecturing at Informatics upon graduation (in 1996), I took up the challenge of guiding a group of young people in the college’s Christian Fellowship. There also, initiated a Staff Fellowship among the Christian staff in the college. I believe that to influence others, we as educators need to support and cheer each other on the journey.
Marriage was another milestone for me. I met my husband at the Christian Fellowship in UPM. We served in the committee together. Due to our different church backgrounds, we both had to agree on a Bible-believing church which would accommodate both of us and support us to grow as a new and young couple. God provided “Emmanuel Evangelical Free Church” at Kuala Lumpur, also an independent, biblically-sound church to marry us. This church opened our eyes to witness what a real Christian community is required to have. We were immediately ushered into a cell-group which provided us a good Christian model where families were highly valued. The Lord placed a burden in my heart when I saw the “untroddened library” was under-utilized. So, we obtained permission from our pastor to “revive” the church library again. So, after about a year’s hard work of recataloging, wrapping, reshelfing and replenishing the library (in the midst of my first pregnancy), our church’s library finally came to operation. Really, serving the Lord in whatever capacity brings satisfaction and joy to the heart.
Our move back to sibu (July 2001)
15th July 2001, marked a very significant day for both my husband and myself. Pulling out our roots from the grounds of the exotic Kuala Lumpur and planting them on new, yet healthier grounds of Sibu. Why did we leave the “prosperous ground”? Well, for a healthier lifestyle and better quality family-life. Being a full-fledge city lady like me, I thought I would not survive through, but looking back, it had been a good two years savaging every moment of quality life with my family. The decision to move back to Sibu ended my strife in watering down my guilt for not spending enough time with my firstborn. Back in KL, I worked full-time, that was going out of the house at 7 am and coming home after 7 pm.
Moving back to Sibu, gave me the courage to change from working full-time to part-time. In the earlier days in Sibu, I would spend my mornings with my firstborn – playing, singing, communicating and teaching him. In the afternoons, I would go to teach while he took his nap at my in-laws’ place. I thought that was a brilliant arrangement until my second child came along. My foremost calling was challenged again. All the while, I struggled with the issue of should I stay at home with my kids. Should I quit, even my part-time job, so that I can fully concentrate on bringing them up? My calling as a teacher does not limit me to impart and influence in the confinement of four walls, but beyond. SO, rather than teaching other people, I should fulfill my most important calling that is to teach and train my own kids at home. “Home by choice” is exactly what I meant. To be home with my children, to be there for them at every point of change in their little lives, to witness every single milestone, to pass on our first-hand faith in Jesus Christ…… to train them in the way they should go so that they would not depart from it when they are old. Helping them to establish ‘Strong Roots’ and ‘Secured Wings’ are our parenting mottos. Besides being at home, I have also been teaching at the Toddler’s Class in the Wesley Sunday School where my son is attending.
I am thankful to the Lord for being Faithful and Gracious in His dealings with me in the past, at present and even for the future. I am looking forward to the day when I will meet my Saviour face to face. Oh, what marvelous sight!
A Sinner Saved By Grace,
Michelle Loh Jee Yin
Hungering for Parenting Techniques - Joining a Chinese Parenting Workshop
20 Oct 2004
Hungering for more of parenting techniques, I plucked up my courage to sign up for the “Happy Mama Class” organized by the Family Wellness Counseling Centre in 2004. It was a 12-week course which was divided into 3 sections, conducted in the month of April, July and September. The most challenging part of this course was that it was conducted in Mandarin. Being a non-Chinese educated person, I felt rather inadequate. But I knew that I should not let language be the barrier to my learning. Moreover, I thought as long as I could understand spoken-Mandarin and converse in Mandarin, I would “survive” through. So, I sought for help. I asked Winnie (Mrs Tie King Tai) if her eldest daughter, Joy Tie, could help recite and record all the contents of the course in cassette tapes so that I could listen and prepare my homework before going for the classes. She graciously agreed. One lesson I have learnt from Winnie was always encourage our children to use their resources or gifts to do charity or serve with generous hearts. Indeed one “struggling mother” (me) was thoroughly blessed by such a generous act of kindness. Of course, my husband and the Chinese-English dictionary also came to my aid as my faithful teachers in those few months of study. I am also grateful to my instructor, Mrs Liong Yuk Choong, and my other class-mates for being so understanding and kind in helping me to learn especially when the Mandarin words were too difficult for me to grasp.
Many people asked me why I would go through that kind of “suffering”. After giving much thought to it, I came to 3 conclusions:
1. Firstly, as an inexperienced young mother with 2 young kids, I would grab any opportunity to learn about how to be a better mother, irregardless of language.
2. Secondly, I want to learn Mandarin.
3. Thirdly, I want to learn from other mothers, about their experiences, successful techniques etc.
The topics were very relevant to me as I have been exposed to the possibilities of communicating with my children tactfully, instead of commanding them. Reminders like “Must try to understand my children’s feelings before I respond to their behaviors” rang a warning bell in times of frustrations. I realized that I need to command respect from my children not from my threats nor punishments, but firm and loving discipline. Besides, I have gained addition ideas in helping to cultivate my children’s interest in learning. In fact, some have been tested already and proven to be successful! The biggest comfort that I received was that knowing that I am not the only mother in the whole wide world who is facing those challenges in motherhood. Phewww! What an encouragement!
Mostly, I am especially grateful to our gracious God, who made it possible for me to attend the whole course, pick up important points to be practised on my children and enjoy the fellowship of other mothers.
I would truly encourage all mothers, young and old, new or amateurs, or mothers-to-be, do take the opportunities to learn how to be the best nurturers for your children, because we are shaping the future generation!
Hungering for more of parenting techniques, I plucked up my courage to sign up for the “Happy Mama Class” organized by the Family Wellness Counseling Centre in 2004. It was a 12-week course which was divided into 3 sections, conducted in the month of April, July and September. The most challenging part of this course was that it was conducted in Mandarin. Being a non-Chinese educated person, I felt rather inadequate. But I knew that I should not let language be the barrier to my learning. Moreover, I thought as long as I could understand spoken-Mandarin and converse in Mandarin, I would “survive” through. So, I sought for help. I asked Winnie (Mrs Tie King Tai) if her eldest daughter, Joy Tie, could help recite and record all the contents of the course in cassette tapes so that I could listen and prepare my homework before going for the classes. She graciously agreed. One lesson I have learnt from Winnie was always encourage our children to use their resources or gifts to do charity or serve with generous hearts. Indeed one “struggling mother” (me) was thoroughly blessed by such a generous act of kindness. Of course, my husband and the Chinese-English dictionary also came to my aid as my faithful teachers in those few months of study. I am also grateful to my instructor, Mrs Liong Yuk Choong, and my other class-mates for being so understanding and kind in helping me to learn especially when the Mandarin words were too difficult for me to grasp.
Many people asked me why I would go through that kind of “suffering”. After giving much thought to it, I came to 3 conclusions:
1. Firstly, as an inexperienced young mother with 2 young kids, I would grab any opportunity to learn about how to be a better mother, irregardless of language.
2. Secondly, I want to learn Mandarin.
3. Thirdly, I want to learn from other mothers, about their experiences, successful techniques etc.
The topics were very relevant to me as I have been exposed to the possibilities of communicating with my children tactfully, instead of commanding them. Reminders like “Must try to understand my children’s feelings before I respond to their behaviors” rang a warning bell in times of frustrations. I realized that I need to command respect from my children not from my threats nor punishments, but firm and loving discipline. Besides, I have gained addition ideas in helping to cultivate my children’s interest in learning. In fact, some have been tested already and proven to be successful! The biggest comfort that I received was that knowing that I am not the only mother in the whole wide world who is facing those challenges in motherhood. Phewww! What an encouragement!
Mostly, I am especially grateful to our gracious God, who made it possible for me to attend the whole course, pick up important points to be practised on my children and enjoy the fellowship of other mothers.
I would truly encourage all mothers, young and old, new or amateurs, or mothers-to-be, do take the opportunities to learn how to be the best nurturers for your children, because we are shaping the future generation!
Moving to Sibu - Blessed with a Mother Support Group
20 Oct 2004
15th July 2001 was the day my family of three then (my hubby, my 10-month old son then, and myself) packed and shifted to Sibu. I had a stable full-time, promising career as an IT and Math lecturer back in Kuala Lumpur. Yet, moving to Sibu was a major paradigm-shift for me as that was the turning point of my life in my career shift (from a full time working mum to a part-time working mum), with a sharp salary-cut in my monthly income; from a city-grown woman to a small town occupant. Well, I could still remember my first few weeks in this new place. Errr…. everyone speaks Foo Chow or Heng Hua (at Teku)!!! I was grateful to God that I could still use Mandarin (though not very fluent) as a daily conversational tool. We found out that Wesley Methodist Church is the only English-speaking church in Sibu, besides the Pentecostal churches. So, very quickly, we fit ourselves into Wesley Methodist Church.
One of the Sundays in August 2001, I saw an invitation notice in the church bulletin to all mothers or mothers-to-be who are interested to join a Mother Support Group, and it would be on Saturday afternoons. Being new to Wesley, of course I long for a support group like this for fellowship and encouragement. Without hesitation, I asked Catherine (Mrs Khoo Ho Peng) to introduce me to Winnie (Mrs Tie King Tai) for further information. On the first day of the meeting, I met many mothers who were from West Malaysia. Most of them had settled in Sibu or Sarawak for more than five years. Immediately, I felt belonged to the group. The first book study which we did was “Raising Great Kids”, then followed by “Opening the Spiritual Windows of our Children”.
It has been 3 years since we first started meeting as mothers. Most of the weeks, we studied, shared, prayed and ate. We had many meaningful times together. Being
15th July 2001 was the day my family of three then (my hubby, my 10-month old son then, and myself) packed and shifted to Sibu. I had a stable full-time, promising career as an IT and Math lecturer back in Kuala Lumpur. Yet, moving to Sibu was a major paradigm-shift for me as that was the turning point of my life in my career shift (from a full time working mum to a part-time working mum), with a sharp salary-cut in my monthly income; from a city-grown woman to a small town occupant. Well, I could still remember my first few weeks in this new place. Errr…. everyone speaks Foo Chow or Heng Hua (at Teku)!!! I was grateful to God that I could still use Mandarin (though not very fluent) as a daily conversational tool. We found out that Wesley Methodist Church is the only English-speaking church in Sibu, besides the Pentecostal churches. So, very quickly, we fit ourselves into Wesley Methodist Church.
One of the Sundays in August 2001, I saw an invitation notice in the church bulletin to all mothers or mothers-to-be who are interested to join a Mother Support Group, and it would be on Saturday afternoons. Being new to Wesley, of course I long for a support group like this for fellowship and encouragement. Without hesitation, I asked Catherine (Mrs Khoo Ho Peng) to introduce me to Winnie (Mrs Tie King Tai) for further information. On the first day of the meeting, I met many mothers who were from West Malaysia. Most of them had settled in Sibu or Sarawak for more than five years. Immediately, I felt belonged to the group. The first book study which we did was “Raising Great Kids”, then followed by “Opening the Spiritual Windows of our Children”.
It has been 3 years since we first started meeting as mothers. Most of the weeks, we studied, shared, prayed and ate. We had many meaningful times together. Being
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