CHRISTMAS REFLECTION -
“God’s ways are higher than my ways” written on 16 nov 2003

“Home by Choice”…… it is almost about a year since the day I tossed my high heel shoes, executive briefcase and office suits aside to embrace the “Full-time Mother of the Century banner” with uncountable joys and sorrows. The most unlikely decision anyone think I would make. I never planned, let alone dreamed of becoming a stay-at-home mother. My mother was a full fledge successful finance officer. All my aunts and relatives worked out of homes from nine to five. In those days, housewives were for those who were non-educated, no employment offers and stereotype-traditional. Thus, there were neither inspiring mentors nor model figures of “good homemakers” as point of references in my growing up days. You would have remembered those days when the time came for the teacher to give out cards with three lines of which we were to fill in our most cherished ambitions. Sounds familiar? I do not recall anyone sane enough to put down “Housewife” as their “top” ambition nor their second nor third. WHY? I guess a housewife has a low status quo and one does not need to attend school or university to be qualified, as perceived by many.

My ambition or calling is to be teacher. Teaching is my passion, my vocation. Such a noble profession, that is to shape the new generation of leaders. Yes, that was where I began. But God had other plans. This Christmas is a very special one for me because God had taught, and is still teaching me that if I follow His path, I will travel far beyond even my greatest dream. The following story is a very inspiring story about following one’s dream …..in the light of God’s plan.

The Legend of the Three Trees

Far away in a green valley, a fox dropped an olive pit. And along a rocky shore, a stork split open an acorn. On a tall mountain, a goat accidentally shook loose a seed from a pine cone. The pit, the acorn and the seed grew into saplings. Watered by the rain and warmed by the sun, they reached upward. In time, a beautiful olive tree blossomed in the valley. A mighty oak stood on the rocky coast. And a tall pine tree stood on the mountain. As each tree grew, it dreamed of what it would become.

The olive tree dreamed of becoming a beautiful and important treasure chest. Decorated with sparkling jewels, it would hold the greatest treasure in the world. One day, a woodsman came to the forest, it seemed that the olive tree’s dream would come true. The woodsman chose the olive tree from all the other trees. The olive tree trembled with happiness. At last, it would become a beautiful treasure chest! The woodsman took the olive tree to his workshop. He cut the wood into boards and hammered them into a box shape. But to the tree’s surprise, the woodsman did not make the box into a treasure chest. He did not polish the olive tree’s fine wood or fill it with gold. Instead, he dragged it into a stable with messy sheep, smelly cows, and noisy chickens. The woodsman filled the box with hay. The olive tree saw that it had become a manger, a mere feeding box for animals! It knew then that it would never hold a treasure.

As the olive tree’s dream faded in the dusty stable, the oak tree looked out over the water with a dream of its own. Strong and proud, it dreamed that its mighty trunk would be made into a mighty ship that would carry a king! One day, shipbuilders cut down the oak tree and hauled it to their boatyard. They sawed the broad trunk into boards. They bent the boards to form the sides of the boat. With each passing day, the oak tree felt certain that its dream was coming true. But when the shipbuilders were done, the oak felt small and weak. It had not become a mighty ship at all. Instead, it was a little fishing boat, launched on a calm lake. The mighty oak knew then that a king would never sail in a little fishing boat.

High on the mountainside, above the oak boat, the pine tree stood tall. Many times, it saw people in the valley looking up. The pine hoped that its towering branches would remind people of the glory of God’s creation. It dreamed that it would always stay on the mountain and point people to God. One night, a fierce storm shook the mountain. The pine tree bent and swayed in the powerful wind. As thunder boomed, a bolt of lighting flashed from the sky and splintered the tree’s trunk. With a sound almost as loud as the thunder, the pine tree fell to the ground. The pine tree’s dream crashed down with it. No one would ever look up to it again. Some soldiers hauled it to the scrap yard. Unused and forgotten, the pine lay on a heap of old lumber. It knew then that a piece of scrap wood would never point people to God.

Many years passed. The trees’ great dreams seemed so far away that they stopped thinking about them. For what greatness could come to a feedbox, a fishing boat and scrap wood? But God had His own plan for each of the trees. One night, shepherds keeping watch over their flock saw an angel. A great light shone all around. The angel told them not to be afraid, for their Savior had been born in Bethlehem. Just as the angel said, the shepherds found the baby lying in a manger. The olive tree had not become a treasure chest, but now, as a manger, it held the greatest treasure of all time, God’s only Son, Jesus.

The infant Jesus grew into a man, and the man traveled to the very lake that held the oak fishing boat. One day, the little boat carried Jesus onto the lake with the fishermen. Suddenly, a great storm swept over the lake. Water washed into the boat. The oak boat struggled with all of its strength so it would not sink. “Quiet! Be still,” Jesus said. The storm stopped. The oak boat felt Jesus’ power. The oak boat had never carried a king of this world, but now it carried the King of kings!

The pine tree knew nothing of Jesus and His miracles. But one morning, it heard angry voices in the distance. “Crucify him!” the people yelled. Soldiers came to the scrap yard and grabbed the forgotten pine. The pine tree expected to be cut into firewood. Instead, the soldiers cut its trunk into two pieces to make a cross. Then they laid the cross on Jesus’ back. On the hillside under a blackening sky, the pine cross swayed as the soldiers raised it. It did not know whether it could bear the weight of the man upon it. The pine tree had wanted only to point people to God. Now, it knew that it would be a sign of death. Jesus died that day to take away the sins of all who believed in Him. He was taken down from the cross and laid inside a tomb. Then a wondrous thing happened. Three days later, Jesus rose to life again. And so Jesus fulfilled His heavenly Father’s plan for Him.

What about the three trees? They, too, had fulfilled God’s plan for them. Miraculously, God had taken them beyond their youthful dreams. The olive wood-manger had held the greatest treasure of all, God’s beloved only Son. The oak fishing boat had carried the King of kings, God’s Son, during His work on earth. And to this day, the cross points people to God as a symbol of His great love for us.

Sometimes, the dreams that we have for ourselves are much smaller than the dreams that God has for us. The three trees’ dream came true, just not in the way they imagined. And so it is with each of us. If we follow God’s path, we will travel far beyond even our greatest dream.


Little heart … little faith … God’s thoughts are higher than my thoughts

As the truth of the story above sank in, I felt comforted. My dream to impact the youth through my vocation as a teacher did launch off with a good beginning. However, after my firstborn came, I found myself at tug-of-war with balancing my roles as a mother, a wife, a teacher and an employee. I had often felt guilty for spending so little time with my firstborn when I was working full-time as a lecturer in a private college. I missed many opportunities to witness my son’s milestones and I found myself compromising the way he was being brought up since he spent most of his time with his nanny. Also at the same time, I was offered a sponsored Masters program in Information Technology followed by a promotion, and then, it suddenly struck me. Although the promotion came with an attractive salary increase and greater influence in the teaching arena, it would have meant longer hours for me to be away from my son again. After much soul-searching, I turned down the offer for promotion, but I still hung on to my “secured-job”.

The Lord knew that my little heart could contain just that “little amount of faith”, just like the three trees in story above, so He decided to stretch me further. He had to pluck us (my family) out literally from Kuala Lumpur and put us in Sibu. I struggled with the decision to quit altogether. Yet, I did not have the courage to take this giant step of faith. So, with persuasion from my parents who thought I was foolish to quit, and my bosses who offered to transfer me over to the Sibu branch with a part-time status, I plunged into it, thinking I could still fulfill my dream to be a good mother and teacher.

In Sibu, as a part-time lecturer, I worked for 20 hours a week. I taught in the afternoons and my son would be at my in-laws’ place. So, I savaged every moment I could have with him in the mornings and nights. I thought I could not stand the stresses of “staying at home all day”, but being at home with a little longer hour, enabled me to enjoy the possibilities of staying at home full-time later. The Lord knew that I need to learn this lesson slowly. Like I had shared in the previous issue, I thought that was a brilliant arrangement until my second child came along.

All throughout, my husband had been very supportive in every decision that I made. We did not buy in the idea of hiring a babysitter again nor sending our children to nurseries at such a young age. Brenda Hunter, a child psychologist, when asked if it really made any difference which arms held the baby, she commented, “Yes, babies are programmed to fall in love with their mothers, not nannies or baby-sitters”. So, this time, I took a courageous step and embraced the title of a full-time homemaker more confidently. Although we did get some objections or sneers like “Ai-yah…. Such a waste lah….. all the years of acquiring your education!”, “Wow…..husband must be earning high salary lah…rich lah”, “Hmmmmm…. now become ‘sau nai nai’ ”, “You can still cope with motherhood and job at the same time what!”, “There are many good nurseries, i.e. Sunshine, Montessori etc. qualified to take care of your children” etc., but by God’s grace, He had been taking care of us thus so far.

Of course, there was a huge salary-cut in our family income. We had to work around a tighter budget. We had to learn to live simply rather than in luxury. My dream to be home with my children, to be there for them at every point of change in their little lives, to witness every single milestone, to pass on our first-hand faith in Jesus Christ…… to train them in the way they should go so that they would not depart from it when they are old…… Wow, sounds so easy and sentimental, but coming home does not work that easily. At home, motherhood was unexpectedly difficult. Working 24 hours a day, 7 days a week….The magic transformation did not happen as I have expected. I felt like I was in foreign territory. I was not the kind of person who fumbles through things. I was the “if I want to do something, I’ll do it right and well” kind of professional. But here I was, felt so helpless not able to cook fantastic meals, finish the laundry on time, keep the house absolutely clean and neat, teach and mould perfect well-mannered children. Yet, my unending chores of wiping endless runny noses of crying children, changing soiled diapers, washing and hanging clothes, cooking nutritious meal to accommodate picky eaters, scrubbing and cleaning dirty floor etc., made me wonder if I am achieving my initial goal of staying at home.

In my career as a lecturer, I was given a trail of professional trainings to enhance my teaching skills, but being a homemaker, I started my new job description without prior training. It is the most humbling job I have ever embarked on. I was stripped to the core of my being, not having any skill or quality to be a “good homemaker”, but to be dependant on God’s strength and wisdom totally to make my dream realized. To Him Be the Glory!